Fool me... wait, how many times?

(This is from last Friday, originally posted on my tumblr: askauntanna.tumblr.com)

Hi lady,

I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me with another girl. For over a year! He swears it’s over, and that he loves me, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to trust him again. Do you think there’s any way our relationship can survive this?

Perplexed in Pac Heights

Dear Amelia,

I think what you meant to ask was, “Should I dump this punkass bitch, or what?” Asking if I think there’s any way your relationship can survive the situation is like asking if I think there’s any way I’ll ever forgive the jerk who accused me of cheating on that reading quiz in fourth grade: sure, from a purely logical standpoint, yes. There are scenarios in which both those things could happen. So I’m going to blow right past your actual question (the answer to which is: yes, but it’s a stupid question) and address the real issue here, which is whether or not you should stay with the dbag*.

There are a couple ways to look at this. One is the graceful, higher-ground, forgive-and-forget way, in which you take him at his word and you try to move forward with your relationship. After all, he never lied to you directly, right? I mean, not with words, right? So, I mean, it’s not like you really

Okay, never mind. Forget the higher-ground approach. I thought about it while I was writing that, and then I was like, hey, this isn’t some drunken moment of weakness. This is prolonged and intentional disrespect and utter disregard. Dump the jackass.

There you go. It’s Friday. And since my weekend started with my first glass of wine at lunch, I’m done with this. Try not to fuck each other up too much over the weekend. But if you do, you can always write me at askauntanna[at]gmail.com and ask what the hell to do about it.

Bottoms up, in every sense of the phrase,
Aunt Anna


*Hey, as a total aside, I was just trying to think of the female equivalent of “cuckold”, and I’m either braindead, or there just isn’t one. Isn’t that sort of fucked up? Like, hey, cheating on women? Who cares? Or, if there is one, that’s also sort of fucked up, but only in the “crap, dude, HOW MUCH did that English degree cost?” kind of way. Moving on.